All in perspective

Mother Nature has a way of bringing life into perspective.
The human race has, in this writers' opinion felt bigger
and more powerful than many things.

However, and I say however, let's take Mother Nature for example.
The Wind can feel pleasant on a warm summers' day/night.
The Wind can also chill you to the bone in sub-zero temperatures.
The Wind can even bring death... destruction... when
she forms tropical storms and hurricanes. Are we more powerful?

Water. Oh how I love being near the water. The Warm tropical
climates with a warm sandy beach and an ocean as far as one
can see. The water caresses your body as you slip into it and
can soothe an aching body and soul. Too much water in a torrential
downpour, flash flood, or tsunami can bring death. Are we more
powerful?

Mother Earth herself is amazing. So many beautiful sites, so many
shapes. Flat ground, soft ground, hills, mountains, valleys, a variety of shapes
across her canvas. Yet the earth can shake, it can slide, and it can bring
death if caught in her path. Are we more powerful?

Why such deep thoughts? Well, the past couple days I've hiked
many miles along the ridges and mists of Mount Diablo.
Beautiful country, just outside the hustle and bustle of city life.
Here I felt so small amongst the winding paths and trees. Sometimes
the hills were so steep I felt they would defeat me. Sometimes I felt the
presence of the animals watching - though we could not see. They only
left their tracks, their body a ghost to us ..... fresh tracks. Wild boars, raccoons and
coyotes. In the middle of nowhere, yet so close to civilization I crept
into a different world, if just for awhile. Alone with Mother Nature and
her creatures.

Today, I faced 5 big bulls on our trek through the foothills. Some standing
in our path. Did I ever feel small! As we approached my thoughts raced,
what if he charges, can I run fast enough? Find a tree to climb? Or will I
face a fate I'd like to not think about? Luckily all 5 were content in their
field of cows -- ever watchful as we past. Some only 10 feet away. I did get brave
and snapped a couple pictures. I mean if I did face a bull at least I'd have a picture
to say "hey, this is the one that did it" . All kidding aside, one feels small
next to a 1200 pound animal in the open, in the middle of no where. It is
also invigorating too! Talk about getting your blood pumping.

The morning air was crisp and cool both days. Seeing your breath as you
walked. Soon as your body moved more you felt warm even though the
grasses around you, covered in frost, told you it was still very cold out.

The hills from afar do not look that tall or big. When faced with climbing one or
two you realize their beauty, their height, and the challenge to get to the
top. If one doesn't slip or slide (as it was wet out both days), the view from
the top is breath-taking.... worth the climb.

One realizes just how small they are in a world were mankind
feels so big and powerful. Mother Nature has a gentle way of reminding
us just how small we are in the midst of it all. Mother Nature has
a way of bringing an appreciation back to life, to living. Take a walk
in her and she won't disappoint. You may be surprised when she
quietly enters your soul and whispers her wisdom to you. She's worth
the Walk.

---------------
May the beauty of Mother Earth bring her wisdom and life to you
my family and friends. Many blessings to you this day and always.

Moments

Woke with a song in my heart, Glory be to God
Woke with a feeling of joy, knowing everything would be okay
Woke with a feeling of Mom right beside, though I can't see
Surprised that tears did not come to me. For she has risen
and is with our Lord, safely home in heaven above able
to reach out to all her family at once, she can be with
everyone now, spreading her love and joy.

Sitting on the cold grass of the cemetery I no longer feel
like I need to dig her up. Yes her body is there, however her
spirit soars with Angels high. Sitting on the cold grass I
stare at her name on the marble grave marker.... 1936-2009
a short time here on earth. A time when she blessed all those
she knew and loved. Even those that never knew her, she
prayed for them, faithfully daily... this she did I can assure you.

Sitting with brother, and my nieces I
puffed on a peach cigar (sorry mom) offered to me by brother.
Contemplating life, contemplating how short 73 years can be
yet how profound an impact a life can make.

Hard to walk away, sitting there for a long while, just staring
at her name... feeling how lucky I am to have a Mom like "my Mom".

I miss you Mom, I know you are in a joyous and peaceful place.
Know that we raise our hearts and our prayers to you this day...
And thank you for leading us and guiding us on our way.

Merry Christmas Momma-sita, you ARE the BEST!

And then it surprises you...

Wow! Talk about a strange feeling. I write about "da hood" and then "da hood" surprises me with a warmth that melted my heart.

25-30 Christmas Carolers, all carrying lit candles come out of the alley way, singing their hearts out door to door. It is the little surprises and kindness from all walks of life, even from "da hood" that make one realize that we are all the same, made of his likeness and his love. This is the season about Jesus, and he shines even in places where there are many struggles.

Thank you Jesus for the reminder of "love" and "goodness" - for it can and is everywhere if we look beyond the troubles and issues that sometimes can plaque our steets.

Living in 'da hood

Livin in da hood
itsa educational thang
livin in the hood
always colorful, nutin bland
blue or red, black n white
gotta get it straight or
ya might disappear in
plain site .... gotta have da dough
on the 15th and the 1st
cuz that's when the
wind blows allotta the snow
too cold for you, getta little
skunk, bright and green, if that's
ur thang. Livin in da hood
gets tuffer every day tryin
make a livin and move on
to better thangs.

Phew... Okay, that was difficult to write. But hey, it's been one of those observational days in the hood here for me. May my prayers be heard for a better place to be, may 2010 bring continued blessings to my family and me.

Christmas Spirit find me please

Oh Christmas Spirit find me
I need you so
Christmas Spirit lift me
My heart has may whoas
Christmas Spirit help me
feel the beauty of this time
Remind me of the Blessing
That represents Christmas Time

Feeling down and blue
My Momma is with you
Oh God I wish I could see her
Just for one more time
Until you bring us home to
you, My faith it will remain

I'm trying hard to find your
Joy, to chase my blues away

Oh Christmas time please
find me, this night for when I sleep
So that you may shine through
me to the people that I meet

Time

When will it be time
When time is on your side
When time takes your breath away
When time washes away the tears
Brings joy and happiness unsurpassed

When, where are you father time
Did you pass me by
Is this all temporary while I walk this path
A time warp it feels, long, winding...
When will you bring something more, is there more
More than the mind and heart can imagine

Time, a gift, uncertain at times, whispers
my name, softly, gently, I'm waiting this day

Dancing Trees and Whirlwind Leaves

Wind, can you hear? Can you feel? Can you see? The WIND.

Oh yes it is certainly blowing out there.

Mother nature making music through the trees, the leaves, the shrubbery and more.
Whistling around the corners of fences, houses, cars, anything ... any size any shape.
Whistling the windy tune, high pitched and low groans. Natures music.

Trees, mostly quiet and still now shake and dance, reaching out, reaching over.
Freeing their leaves to dance, a whirled dance along walkways, breezeways
and roadways. Jubilant to be out and about, the colors whirl about, mixing
creating magic in the wind.

Step out into the wind, don't curse it, rather feel it, sense it, as nature does
and soak in the musical wind of the day.

H1N1 go away!

As I type this, I fear that I have picked up the H1N1 flu bug. Oh yes, this nasty little bug has scared the *%*#* out of me when my child ended up in a ER bed with IV's. Fever off the scale, and the poor little thing in tears she was in so much physical pain. As she recuperates (still not there), I am trying hard to stay healthy myself.

However, sometime today a big Mac truck has plowed into me. I keep taking my temperature and it's normal. My mouth and throat feel "funny" (can't describe), and my body just aches. I just need to get through dinner tonite, get my child her breathing treatments, get her into bed and okay, then I will drop. Which brings me to a Mother's strength.

Where does it come from? It prevails so many times over things it should not. A Mother's strength to hold a sick child, to kiss a boo-boo and make it better, to keep a house running, to let a child know it will be okay, and Mommy's here. I miss my own mother terribly right now. She gave me strength to be a better Mom. Right now I am digging deep and am afraid for the first time of getting sick and not being able to care for my child who is fighting this horrible H1N1.

I put my Faith in God. I trust He will guide me and He will keep us safe and heal us. For those reading this prayers would be good as well.

To my family and friends, be well, stay healthy.

Barney (aka Patty)

Agreements

"Relationships are built on agreements" - Marshall Sylver

I love the quotes from Marshall Sylver, seem to hit home and set the mind in a healthy direction. So what agreements do your relationships hold. Some food for thought today.

Ocean soothe my soul, heal my heart, hear my inner most thoughts. From this point Mom loved to sit and look out at the ocean. Feeling the breeze on her skin, the mist of ocean fog creeping in end-of-day.

This spot is a special spot to me. One Mom loved. I can still see her sitting in her chair August 2007 reading and soaking in the sun. "Just sit me right here... in the sun" she said. Sitting with her, no words exchanged however a million heartfelt moments shared silently between daughter and Mom.

Ocean soothe my soul, heal my heart, hear my inner most thoughts.

Today's Quote

"If not Now, When?" -- Marshall Sylver

Great quote! Be happy and pursue your dreams with those that share them.

A new day

Today is a new day. A frest start, a new beginning.
To make the most of it, of people places and things.
A new beginning indeed offered with each new morn.

Cloudy skies and cooler weather

Hard to believe it's September already. Seems like only yesterday the new year was rang in, followed by my parents 50th wedding anniversary, my mothers birthday, and her death. Time is going so quickly. Life seems a blur most days, but we manage to get through - day to day. High School for my little one (well not so little anymore) -- that means PTA meetings, open houses, homework, sports teams, and everything else that goes along with High School. Where is time going?

I sit here and ponder time. How quickly it moves. My ambitions for myself, for my family, for life. Must set goals with dates. Make things a reality. For time only marches on quicker and quicker, leaving the 'one-day' thoughts...well to always remain as 'one day'.... never to happen.

The time is marching on. The skies are cloudy, and I suspect a spot of rain is in the forecast soon. I enjoy the cool breeze on my skin, it feels good, it brings a sense of rejuvenation with it. I welcome the cooler Fall weather, it's the time of year I find fascinating. Nature does some pretty spectacular things in the Fall, if only one takes the time to observe.

Cloudy skies and cooler weather... for now I sit and enjoy it. It won't be long before I'm blogging about new spring flowers, bustling birds, buzzing bees and butterflies. Time surely does fly.

For now, I'm going to sit back, relax and just enjoy the ever changing landscape.

Yard work vs. House Work

Amazing how yard work can ground a person. Perhaps not everyone, but there's something very satisfying about being outdoors and watching things all come together. Now mind you, my home is nothing close to a home in Sunset Magazine or Better Home and Gardens, however it's the space where I live and it matters... to me.

Also interesting is the fact that I do alot of thinking when in the yard. Today I think I realized that I will most likely venture though my life with my child, my siblings, and friends. Relationships have never been a thing that blossomed into anything more than dating for me.... but hey, good friends and close friends are good. I'm not sure how that feels to be alone, because I never really am alone - there's always family and friends. Some interesting thoughts this day. Enlightening actually.

I did realize today that I prefer working outdoors vs. indoors. To clean floors, vacuum, dust, clean mirrors, etc. has taken me all day - I just have a difficult time getting into that (LOL). But progress has been made. Half my day is gone and I have made a dent, a little dent, but it's forward momentum. Now I rest, perhaps a warm bath, and some relaxation at home. Now that sounds inviting.

Yard work vs. House work? Hmmmmmm I guess it's how you look at things, really neither are that bad once one gets going.

2,752

On this day 2001 2,752 people lost their lives. Like a ripple in the water the effects astounded the Nation, the world. That day I sat in horror as the first news reel ran of the event. In a heap I fell in my living room floor - I wept. Today I pray in silence for the 2,752 people, their family and friends effected for a lifetime. Today I cry silently for the children whose parents where never to come home. Today I pray for the men and women who continue to fight for the freedom on this great Nation. 2001 seems like yesterday, though it was not, the pain forever felt by this Nation.


From this pain came goodness I believe, even amidst the tradgedy. A Nation pulled together, neighbors spoke to each other for the first time. Bibles were opened, and read, some of them had to be dusted (shamefully mine was one of them). Families and communities came closer, closer than ever before. I want to believe that as a result more families spend time together around the dinner table, even the breakfast table, we learn to slow down and appreciate life.


A world that moves so fast stood still this day in 2001. A world that moves so fast cannot forget, we must slow down and learn, move forward with simplicity of thought and move forward with the Love bestowed upon us from our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him all things are possible, I believe.


Those 2,752 people whose lives were lost must not have been lost in vain. We remain, to make a difference, to stand up, to proclaim our Faith, and to move forward in Love for ourselves, our families, our God, and our Nation. May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be within you this day and every day forward.


Blessings to you my family and friends this day.


Barney (aka Patty)

Rest in Peace Creepy

Well, a while back I wrote a blog about "Creepy".... the Scorpion I was taking care of. Creepy gave me a severe case of the jitters, however he also had me finding courage I didn't know I had. One would have thought Creepy was a Lion or something the way he got to me.

Creepy has found a way into my work area as well - now mind you, this is a fake creepy, that now sits perched on my computer. Creepys story had him rise to super stardom in sense. As scary as he was, thinking back I have to laugh.

Last nite Creepys owner told me that Creepy died. Poor Creepy. I actually found myself feeling sorry for a Scorpion! A Scorpion that had caused me to hyper-ventilate and become a jumpy little Chihuahua. Now Creepy was gone. Creepy got a burial - yes a burial for a scorpion, and Creepy also served a purpose for young minds in Science. He was dissected (eeeeeeeu), then he was he buried. A Scorpion placed above his burial site made out of rocks (by his high school caretakers).

Well Creepy was definitely creepy and it was interesting to find he had gotten under my skin with his shenanigans he pulled while I cared for him.

Well Creepy, where ever it is bugs may go, you can creep them out there.

Creepy Crawlers to my family and friends,
Patty

The Rose, The chair, she's down for the count!

1, 2, 3...... 8, 9, 10..... She's out! Oh boy after the no gloves with the rose, the Rose winning, I figured I'd had my share of bumps, bruises and cuts for a while. Ooooooooooo No......... let's do something else. How about.... let's play instant chair collapse that will cause the one occupying the chair to fall hard and fast. And while we're at it, let's have it be the computer chair, while the person occupying the chair has water in her hand so the fall is that much more dynamic. Come one, let's not be plain here.

1, 2, 3, and BAM!!! Down the chair goes, the water all over the computer, my head against the wall, me lieing in a heap half propped halfway against the wall. Little ole me half crumpled near the little desk... and the chair... the chair with wheels rolls away... what's left of it.

This lastest mishap is either a sign to throw up the hands, cover myself in bubble wrap (for protection), or simply just laugh and find humor of it all. Besides a headache, scrapped elbow, bruised thigh and hip, sore back, not to mention the bruised ego, I'm not bleeding! Hey no blood! This is good - no blood no stitches. Good thing I wasn't in a chair near rose bushes huh?

So for tonight, I am going to lie on the couch, motionless, not moving a muscle, for I fear that something else in this house may leap out and get me. And it's only Monday! Oye!

The "Glove"

No, no, no... I'm not talking about Michael Jackson's infamous gloved hand. I'm talking utilitarian here. Protective gloves, mainly garden gloves. Oh how many times have I gone into my garden without the gloves. It feels so good to till the earth, to feel the plants, until................. something happens and you wish you had worn the gloves.

This morning, I decided bright and early 6:30 am, that I would go out and clip the 25 rose bushes, pull weeds, and rake up those leaves. Love the big tree but it sure drops alot of leaves all around the place and between every nook and cranny of the rose bushes. So... the plan in place, clipping the roses, looks great. Pulled some weeds... looking better, raking up the leaves, I can see it all coming together... then it happened! Oh my, it happened so quick and so painfully that it spun my head.... raking the leaves vigorously between the rose bushes and one of the thorns impales and lashes down my index finger.

Oh I see stars. My heart is racing, that hurt soooo bad my mind is reeling. I look down and well... blood is dripping everywhere, even got on my shirt. Can't be good I think. I don't look at my finger but run into the house to the kitchen sink. Blood flows. Oh boy my mind says "should have worn the gloves!".... too late now I shout back! I look at gash on my finger and it's "talking". Open close open close open close... oh dear.

Well off to the Emergency Department (thanks "K" for driving me... since I was starting to feel light headed). Once I got there I settled down a bit.

I thought the initial rose-thorn gash hurt..... oh boy, the 4 shots to numb my finger so the Doctor could clean (yes stuff got into the wound and she even pulled out part of a thorn way down in there... geez! ) After a thorough cleaning and 3 stitches later, which caused me to come close to passing out (yeah call me a wimp - you can), I was patched up and good to go. Antibiotics for 7 days 4-times a day... which comes with a warning... May cause dizziness or headaches. LOL.......... please...... really!?

The moral of this story - WEAR YOUR GARDEN GLOVES - even the most beautiful rose bush can sure pack a powerful punch if one ventures too close!

Can you see me

Sometimes out of nowhere thoughts, words, just come to me. I was running late (well "am running late") this morning but had to STOP and write these words.

What I put out to myself, to anyone reading this today is to realize that we are all the same. Some of us have smaller demons than others to face, but when we were created, it was all through Him.

Eyes upon me
See right through
For I am here I feel the
stare of 'better than you'
Oh yesterday we were the same
Demons haunt me
They are my shame
Can you see me standing here
Drugs or drink
Hunger pangs more
The Demons surround some of us
A silent horrible world
Eyes upon me, see right through
One day my hope
You will see
Possibly help me
Set me Free

These words represent any person facing the demons of drug and/or alcohol abuse, mental and/or physical abuse. Sometimes, I feel, one's Demons consume them, leaving them stranded, alone, and even homeless.

To my family and friends, may the Blessings of Our Lord Jesus Christ fill your spirit with compassion to live your days leading others in his likeness and seeing beauty and goodness even amongst despair.

Hugs and much love, Patty (aka Barney Beagle)

Coupons, Coupons, everywhere!

Ever notice how Moms know how to say and do the right thing. Moms even have a magical insight (so it seems) into saving money, cutting corners, and stretching a dollar into say five! Now, being a Mom I don't claim to possess these abilities or insights, however my Mom knew the secret. I, you might say, am a Mom in training.

After Mom passed my sibling discovered Mom had written down some websites (money saving websites) on a piece of paper next to her chair. I'm thankful one of my siblings passed that information on. I've held onto them, doing nothing, up until today. Wow! Why did I wait? Perhaps I just needed time before checking these sites out, however, after checking them out today I stand to save $7.30 on grocery items I normally buy. Coupons, oh yes coupons, they are money savers. All it takes is time to print and clip them.... I mean come on, how difficult is that? ("KA" if you're reading this I know you are the Coupon Commando.... I challenge thee... smiles!).

As I sit here looking at my treasure of coupons I think to myself.... "you know, Moms really do know how to save money, cut corners and more importantly s t r e a t c h that dollar. So Mom, thanks! Even though I know you know I finally checked the websites out.

To my family and friends, happy coupon clipping and now the question is "what to do with all that money" one will save!

5 Months to this Day

5 Months ago to this day my Mentor, My friend, My Guide.... My Mother passed away. A smile on her face, even in death she seemed Happy and Angelic. Temporarily here on Earth to guide her children and shower those around her with love. And I mean everyone she met and knew, she possessed an inner beauty one can only strive to achieve. I miss her terribly...., it still does not seem real.

Driving along a few country roads today I could sense her, feel her... her inner beauty was shining everywhere. I almost couldn't breathe and just about had to pull over; it's difficult to drive with tears flowing. I almost had a re-wind of my years with Mom. Some happy, some sad, some not so good, and some I regret.

Which brings me to now.... this day, this moment, this hour, minute, second.... don't let unsaid things go unsaid. Don't let I Love Yous and/or I'm Sorry slip away.... for those very things left undone can haunt you.

Today and everyday I think of Mom and strive to become more of her being, her inner beauty.

I miss you Mom.

Love Patty
(aka Barney Beagle)

Doing the Happy Dance

Greetings everyone in Virtual Land. My question for today is what is "The Happy Dance?".

Is the Happy Dance for good things? For winning a game, a lottery, or some other token? For getting that new car? That new house? The boy? The girl? What is "The Happy Dance" and when is it done? Hmmmm....... or is it just for certain people and certain times?

I'd like to say I "Happy Dance" when...

* I think of Family & Friends

* The very early 'morn

* Counting ones Blessings

* My child(ren) smile at new wonders

* Something is denied, ... only later to realize it's for the best

I would probably bore some of you reading this post if I continued on, and I could probably do that at length and at nauseum (did I spell that right?), so I won't. But back to the original question... What is "The Happy Dance"?

I'd have to answer that this way.

When one's heart shines inside filling your being with a warm glow of love and life... that warmth and love explodes into the purest form.... creating "The Happy Dance!"

Survival

Survival - to live, to flourish, to make it. Whatever definition comes to mind, or is written, I had one of my own pop into my head yesterday during dinner. It's below.

G oing the distance
O n Faith
D aily

It stands out clearly, is the path, and the way... to survival, eternal love and His glory.

Blessings to you my family and friends.

Monday, Monday

Here we are Monday, not even Sunday, supposed to be a fun day?

Days go by like seconds
Months go by like minutes
The year is going by like a days

What does it all mean? Feeling upside down, not centered, direction unclear. I wish Mom where here so I could talk to her. She had the greatest insight and understanding and could ease just about anything that ailed a person, make one feel grounded, safe, secure. I fumble through some days now, never doing or saying the right things it seems.... in life. Work is okay, I seem to be okay at work, but at home...... sigh. Guess that is when one has time to think, to ponder about life, to ponder what one is or isn't doing in one's life. I suppose that's the greatest mystery of life. Never knowing. Hmmmmmm

Thank you Marshall

Marshall Sylver is an amazing gentleman. Sometimes the least amount of words said or expressed can be the most profound. Gives one something to think about. Motivates one to "act", release the "one day I'll...." mode. So Mr. Sylver, today moving forward I will do more "act" vs. "one day" mode of thinking and/or way of life.

Here's to your intriguing quote/saying for the day

"Not choosing one thing is choosing the other by default" - Marshall Sylver

Question I put out there to cyber space - will you act? Or will you go into the mode of default to your needs and/or desires? Something indeed to ponder this day.

Much love to you my family and friends.
Barney (aka Patty)

The Keys

Keys to a new house
Close at hand
A new start
A new life
Round the bend

My thoughts they are focused
On what one desires
To visualize this place
Every day, every hour

Keys in hand
Ah yes you are near
Home sweet home
For my family, Our home

I can see it now

I can see it now
3 bedrooms, 2 baths
Waiting, waiting for me
A place to call home
A place to hang one's hat
Knowing it is theirs

I can see/feel the day
Quickly coming my way
The day I bid farewell
Farewell oh Landlord farewell

Jump for joy
Tears of happiness
Relief at last, a place to
really call home

Summer House Sitting

Ah... the good ole summer time. With Summer time comes house sitting, dog sitting, cat sitting, gardens, you name it. Well I am house sitting, easy enough, and caring for a fish and....... well Scorpian. Below is my care log. One must be able to find humor ... afterall it's all in a days work.

Care Log for the Fish and Creepy

"M" - Thanks for the fruit on the table. I think it will help keep my blood sugars stabalized while dealing with Creepy... Didn't realize that when I first started, but realize it now (ha!).

Day 1 - Sunday
Fish was piece of cake. Turn the light off in the a.m., feed the bloodworms in the a.m., the pellets in the p.m. and light goes back on... AND mirror door stayed open. Wouldn't want him to see himself and get crazy.

Creepy........ oh boy.... Creepy is another story. I had to psych myself up first just to pick up a crickett. I am really afraid of cricketts (another story in and of itself). I mustered up all my strength to grab a crickett after about 3-4 tries... seriously! Got it and tossed it in. Now "Creepy" went wild about this and started doing God knows what and the log he was under started like thumping and moving. I jumped backwards (thank God I didn't knock his critter cage over). Lordy! I could not bring myself to touch the log and spray everywhere, but did my best. I managed to keep myself from hyper-ventilating...

Day 2 - Monday
Fish - I love this Fish. He is so friendly and easy and doesn't creep me out.

Creepy... oh no. About died to find Creepy out from under the log sitting there poised like he was ready to strike and kill. Oh Lord. After a couple Hail Marys and Our Father's later and a lot of nerve build up I managed to somehow get a bit of water in his bowl. Looks like he ate the Crickett. May give him one Tues or Weds. Sprayed. With alot of courage, even though he was in the cage and closed in I tried to get a picture of him. He was like just sitting there with this "I dare you to touch me" stance. Oh... yeah... with Creepy I can see Indian Food in my future here ("S" are you reading this?)

Day 3 - Tuesday
Fish. I really love this fish. Did I tell you that already? I love the fish. Nice Fish. No stingers, or crazy look. Just swimming and nice. I don't even mind the blood worms. The fish is beautiful and peaceful.

Creepy. OMG..... I'm starting to get paranoid he's going to jump and cling onto my arm. Breathe-in breathe-out breathe-in breathe-out.... relax. He wont' get you - some reassurance helps when taking care of Creepy you know. This time I bring my BBQ tongs... I can reach in with those and move things and spray, etc. I think to myself.... what if he can cling on to BBQ tongs? This thought immediately brings my heart rate up 20 notches. (do you think that will help my metobolism?... nevermind... this is not the way to do it, trust me!). I think Creepy actually laughed at me today. Creep! (now I think I know how he got his name)
On a side note - he was out from his log with his tail and stinger arched upward toward the top of the cage... I think he's messing with me! Mental note - heart rate still racing even after the drive home. And the cat just walked under me and his tail got me and I screamed out loud and jumped.... Darn... no Damn that Creepy!

Day 4 - Wednesday
Fish. So whimsical, beautiful to look at. So safe... I mean it's not a shark or anything. I really love this fish... did I tell you that? Wanted to sit with Fish just to relax before going to that, that, that other cage of terror.

Creepy. Just typing the name Creepy makes me shake now. I'm starting to feel like a nervous little chihuhua dog. I can hardly walk normally as I approach his cage. Again, I think he's laughing at me. Perhaps he doesn't realize "who" feeds him, huh? huh? huh? Okay, that stance didn't work, and on top of that I freaked with the crickett and it got away after I tried to scoop it up from the mantel (not realizing I was trying to get it while leaning over creepys enclosure). This crickett escaped (sorry "M"...not sorry Creepy - if you'd quit trying to scare me I would not be shaking and wouldn't have dropped the crickett). If Scorpians can stare you down, Creepy just did. I had to recoil from sheer cowardness. I think he's enjoying his fright tactics with me. I'll have to muster up enough courage to reach into the cage tomorrow. Today, sprayed from through the cage and water through the top of the cage. I swear he's gonna latch onto my hand or arm.

Day 5 - Thursday
Fish. I think I'm going to just stay in the room with the fish. I really truly love the fish. Did I tell you that? Yeah, I know, you see I really love the fish. So calm, so nice, so unthreatening. Mellow, beautiful, ahhh...

Lord almighty help me! Creepy is on top of his Log! This time he's gone too far, I just know he's trying to leap onto me now! I think I peed my pants, and I swear he clicked his little pincher claws at me. Luckily I brought a paper bag (in case I start to hyper ventilate), and BBQ tongs for... well "protection" now! Lord... this creepy creature is challenging me.. I swear... you'd have to be here to believe it. Reminder to self - see Doctor to get blood pressure medication - just for these short few days if needed. Breathe-in, breathe-out, breathe-in, breathe-out

Thursday News - "The Heavens have rejoiced and the Angels Sing Alleluia!"
I'm like a dog that's headed out for a walk... tail wagging, jumping up and down, let's go let's go, hurry hurry! I see Creepys owners car... it's their car... this means "S" is home and Creepy can go home. I almost cry from sheer relief, I want to hug and kiss someone just because. Hear that Creepy, you get to go home. As I hand Creepy over to his rightful owners he makes one last appearance as if he's mocking my fear... yes he's clicking those pinchers and if Scorpians can laugh... he just did.. again... did you see that!! As I watch Creepy leave I swear I can still hear him laughing. Finally though I can start working on getting my blood pressure back to normal.... whew!! Farewell Creepy! ("S" some Indian food would be really good right about now ;o)

Note - the remanider of my days will be total bliss with a beautiful little Beta Fish floating along peacefully as if an Angel on fluffy white clouds......... my nerves have already started to find calm....... ahhhhhhhhhhh

First Day of Summer

Happy First Day of Summer!

What....

What inspires you? What is your passion? What makes you happy? Are you doing those things? Are the people places and things that surround you support what inspires, brings you passion, and makes you happy? Whew... let me take that all in. Simple questions? Yes. Are the answers that come to mind that simple? Are they clear? Does one even know? Hmmmm

Life brings pleasure. Life brings pain. Life brings uncertainty. Life brings us wonderful and mysterious things day-in and day-out. One thing I do know for sure is that life is ever changing. I suppose ones purpose is to find and pursue a purpose and to make the most of the challenges and opportunities presented. Challenges really are opportunities in disguise (yeah, I know I'm sounding "corporate" here... not my intent).

I believe that Our Lord Jesus Christ Blesses us with a new day, to make a difference, to inspire us, to give us the opportunity to grow more of his likeness. To serve. Each day is another opportunity to find that inspiration within, to build on it, to grow. ... the inspiration and voice that guides us on our path. A path that will eventually lead us to our Lord Savior.

With those thoughts going through my mind and heart - I pray, I hope, that my steps will be steps that inspire hope. Inspire passion. Inspire happiness. I know it won't be easy, for I/we are not perfect. We can only listen to that voice, the voice that guides us as our Lord Jesus does. He is our voice within.

May we all be open to hear, and more importantly to take those steps... one at a time, one after the other.

Continued Blessings to my Family and Friends.
Patty

Frozen in time

Hands curled, ready to go,
rest on the keyboard
A million thoughts
Racing through one's mind
How to capture
Elusive butterfly
Escapes right through the
hole of that butterfly net
Fleeting, floating, in there
Whirling, unable to grasp
Comprehend, or articulate clearly
As if frozen in time
A million thoughts
Race, race through my mind
----------------------------------------------------

In the Bottle

Despair....
Bottom of the well
Looking up, no light
Shall I climb
Do I know how?
Turbulence swirls around
Violence erupts
Innocence pays, no longer trusts
Foundations are splintered
shattered, crushed,
A desperate plea for help
Through violence
Innocence pays, words cut
like a steel blade sword
Surreal is the aftermath
What a storm this all brings
In the bottle
----------------------------------------
May the good Lord place his loving grace upon those fighting demons this day. May his Love surround them and help them find their way. To this, today, right now, I pray.

I can only Imagine...

Blessings to you my family and friends.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII


May we know him in all his Glory in this life, and after.

Patty

Gilbert

GILBERT
Brian R. (1930 - ) and Joan M. (1936-2009)

Oh... something about seeing this in writing yesterday was surreal. How could this be real? Aren't our mothers and fathers supposed to be around forever? I know, that is not true, for if they were around forever they would be saying farewell to us. Something a parent should never have to do, bury and bid farewell to a child.

The grass on Mom's grave site felt comforting as I sat staring down at their names. Their names engraved permanently on marble stone, praying hands and the Lord's cross between them, uniting them, always. 2 hearts bound by a lifetime of love. Blessed. I miss Mom. I miss Dad being away in New York.

I can feel mom's presence as I sit, crying, sobbing. Not caring about others that may be near, visiting their loved ones. The pain is real, a testimony to the love and spirit of a beautiful woman gone safely home to our Lord. I pray, I sit, I tell myself it's not real over and over again. When will I wake from this dream? Perhaps never, perhaps in time, in His time. I bow my head to pray again, to give thanks for the Blessings in my life.

I will come again Mom, to visit, to sit, to cry and to one day laugh. Your beauty shall live on forever in those that were Blessed to have you in their lives. Until we meet again Mom.

Boundaries

Life has been different for me this year. Evolving perhaps, I don't know. Difficult at times? A definite yes. Easier at times? A definite sometimes. A year that is only in it's 5th month has brought this blogger to ponder things to extremes. Tonight, as in the past few nights, I ponder "boundaries"

When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life...... simple statement eh? It's called boundaries.

By definition - (googled this)

1. Something that indicates a border or limit.
2. The border or limit so indicated.

Seems straight forward, and pretty clear. Yet when it comes to our own lives, and the lives of others boundaries can get blurred. What is okay, what is not okay.. and sometimes when one oversteps.. it's simply no longer a boundary but a control issue.

What is ours to own? What is ours to let go? What is none of our business? How does one set healthy boundaries, how does one learn to let it go. These are things I keep in mind. When I find myself wondering about something I stop and think to myself, have I set up healthy boundaries? Am I overstepping a boundary. Basically is it my business (my work, my home, etc). If it's not... then that's a quick let it go.

I don't claim to know what is okay boundary wise for this person or that. What I do know is that when one sets healthy boundaries, and let's things go, they will have peace. To control is to be out of control.

Draw the line, a healhty line, stick to it, and all will be well.

What on Earth am I here for?

What on earth am I here for? A profound question indeed. Does one really have the answer to this question? Perhaps they do, perhaps they don't, perhaps... like me, this is something to ponder from time to time. What on earth am I here for?

Almighty God and Father made each of us become one to His liking, to His purpose. Repeat... His purpose. So again, I ask, What on earth am I here for, or what is my purpose? I personally don't have the answer to this. I strive to live my life fruitfully, and for His glory, however, I'd be lieing if I said it was easy. Most days it feels hard... for I am hard on myself, sometimes to extremes. Learning to let go, and let Him be the guide sounds easy, it takes time. It takes an open heart. It takes faith and love. I can honestly say that I try, and will continue to try.

An analogy here. Let's take a tree. You plant it, you water it it, you nurture it, etc. The tree grows, and when mature enough it bears fruit. From time to time the tree needs pruning, shaping, it encourages new growth for the tree. This is much what our Heavenly Father does for us, daily. Pruning can be painful, however if we keep in mind the new growth that comes with pruning, we are truly being blessed with each pruning. For He knows when it's time, and in His time He will prune.

Accept challenges, triumphs and defeats, as lessons. How have I grown in His likeness? How can I become more like Him. Simple statement, yet as humans, in our earthly forms, we tend to complicate even the simplistic.

For today, let's keep it simple. Let's take the tree, be like the tree. You plant it (God's gift to us of life). You water it (Learn more about God daily) You nurture it (Never will He leave he). You prune it (God's gift of eternal love). The tree (you) bear fruit. I pray that the Lord our God will continue to help me understand life's challenges as Blessings, no matter how sad or difficult they may seem, for each day - each event in life is a Blessing from God.

To my family and friends, may we see the simplicity and goodness in Life through Him. Amen!

Hearts Tears

Tears of happiness
Tears of joy
Tears of relief
Tears of sorrow
Tears of anguish
Tears of pain
Tears from the heart
Unseen by others
the most loving
tears of all
I miss you Mom

Tim the Tool Man

Oh... Tim the tool man would have been proud of me this morning. Arghh arghh.... (a bit of laughter here thinking about it)... 8:30 am I decide that I must weed-whack one (just one) side of my front yard. So out I go.

Trim line in the weed whacker and bam! Weeds gone. Hey this isn't so bad... so I tackle the other half of the yard. By now I'm thinking "power tools"... this is good! Grab the leaf blower, grab the hedge trimmer... anything else? Hmm... darn shucks... these tools will have to do. So off I go weed whacking, trimming bushes, clipping rose bushes (25 of them mind you), and did I say weed whacking (ha!).

I think I freak the neighborhood out sometimes. Mainly a Hispanic community, where, mind you, and I mean no disrespect here but women just don't do this sort of thing. Every time I get the power tools out and work the gardeners for hire seem to come out, drive by, honk smile, and more often than not hand me their business card. I mean come on, who is this gringo girl out there working in the yard? Not her place. I can only smile inside.

Despite the dust, the weeds, and my constant "ah-choo" "ah-choo" (sneezing up a storm here), I finish the yard. Oh, it feels good to see the yard done. Oooooooooo... what's that... my arms feel like rubber, as if I've given them a workout of their life. I must retreat. Retreat into my safe little hobbit hole, crawl into a bath, or a shower, or both! Let the warm water ease the muscles (that I didn't realize I had, and this seems to happen ever time I get this tool man mentality of power tools)... relax. A job well done.

The only thing left for me to do now is collect the gardening cards that will undoubtedly be left on my front porch. I just don't fit the mold sometimes, but that's okay, I don't mind. And it gives me a chuckle when I get the looks I do.

Happy gardening to you my family and friends.

God Likes the Way He Made You

Not an original Blog today. Some excepts taken from Joyce Meyer "Starting Your Day Right" Devotions.

Have you ever asked God, "Why did You make me this way?" Sometimes the things we think are our worst faults, God will use to His greatest glory: "But who are you, a mere man, to criticize and contradict and answer back to God? Will what is formed say to him that form it, Why have you made me thus?" (Romans 9:20).

Jesus died so that we might enjoy our life in abundance and to the fullest until it overflows. You are not going to enjoy your life if you don't enjoy yourself. Be satisfied with yourself, and celebrate the unique way God made you.

------

Powerful....Be satisfied with yourself, and celebrate the unique way God made you and Sometimes the things we think are our worst faults, God will use to His greatest glory.....

Reading the devotion this morning again put things in perspective for me. It's really not about you, about me, about them.... what it's really about is Him. His Glory, and his wonderful and beautiful ways that will fill your life, your heart, when you turn to him in total love and commitment. He will use you for His glory. Your life will be filled with abundance and will overflow.

Today I pray, and keep my eyes, my heart, and my being turned to God. To guide me and lead me for his betterment, and for the betterment of those I am blessed to be in contact with. To this, an Amen!

Blessings to you my family and friends.

Patty

Put it out there

The philosophy of positive thinking. I have to admit, I've used it and I've seen the results of putting "positive" energy out there. It works. Believe it or not, that's okay. I don't need anyone to tell me that it does or doesn't as I've experienced it first hand.

Which leads me to something my niece shared with me one day at a BBQ. You have to know what you want, and if another person can't figure it out in "x" amount of time, then move on (she was talking relationships here). I have, to this day thought about that conversation from my niece "D". Interesting comment, but then again, she "knew what she wanted", "she put it out there" and guess what? She's got it! Something this 40-something gal is going to do as well.

So today I put out my Positive Thoughts around relationships, around my career, and around my family. Now time will only tell, and time will let me know when to switch gears. Thanks "D" for your thoughts... bet you never thought your Aunt would take them so to heart.

Positive thoughts and much love to my family and friends this "blog day".

Today

Today is the day
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Reach for your dreams
Make them reality
No more "one day"
Set a date, go for it
Live, Love, Laugh, enjoy
Isn't that what makes
the world turn?

Ahhh... a beautiful day indeed

Kiss me once, and kiss me twice, and ....

Kiss me once again, it's been a long, long time. Okay, am I dating myself here? Anyone remember that song? Now why is that song in my head this morning. Perhaps I'm going to be kissed by some mysterious stranger, perhaps a frog prince? Is he out there? I believe so :o) Perhaps I've already kissed him and he's just afraid to get out of his frog suit (lol... sorry, that conjured up a funny image for me. A fellow unzipping and jumping out of a frog suit next to a pond covered in lily pads). Okay I'll stop, just a funny little thought for a funny little blog this 'morn.

For those of you that are blessed enough to have your Prince Charming with you, reach over and "kiss him once, and kiss him twice, and kiss him once again!".... you don't want that to have to wait a long long time... and be careful... don't fall into the pond.

Frog Kisses to my family and friends this day- ribbit!

Alone in a world surrounded

Alone in a world surrounded.
Surrounded by sights and sounds.
People of all shapes and sizes.
Happy, sad, mad, up and down.
In a haze, a time warp.
Present, yet apart.
Surrounded, yet alone.
A whisper, a voice, calls me.
Listen intently, guide me.
A mysterious path appears, come to me.
A journey, a thousand miles ahead.
Step towards one's destiny.

Mother's Day

My Mom. Simply the Best. Every one's Mom.... Mrs. "G". Outstretched arms, a listening ear, a gentle touch, a stern warning, side-by-side silence, and mostly an outstretched and open heart. A heart that never judged, rather always loved you for who you were... unconditionally. A gentle giant when it comes to Moms.

Oh how I miss my Mom this day. First Mother's day without her here. Today she is celebrated in heaven... and as far as I'm concerned "the BEST there ever was". Being a Mom myself I pray that I can be the kind of Mom she was, I mean we are talking some very BIG BIG shoes to fill here.

I miss you Mom. Sometimes so much it hurts ... I'll cry... then I'll smile... because I know you will always be alive in my Heart.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Commuters, Drivers, BE Nice!

I could not resist inserting this "funny" into a blog.

Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.

The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Sandra continued to try getting the car to start up again.

Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling.

"Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."
===================================================
So the thought for today - when you're out there on the highways and byways and you get caught up in the traffic snarls, think of this funny, smile, then relax.... look at it as being given the gift of time. Meditate, relax, even take some deep breaths, look around, you never know... could be a nice change.

Rainy May Day

Today is Saturday, May 2nd. First Saturday of a new month. With this Saturday comes a rainy day. The heavens rain down upon us as the earth gladly soaks it in, quenched by the rain. The rain helps a little with the impending drought we face. The rain reminds me of the promises of God, the promise that all will be well for those that have Faith and believe. We can do all things through Him.

The rain, however, dampens my spirit a little this day. I'd be lieing if I said I was real happy go lucky today... a downright lie that would be. A fog of depression looms around me this day. The rain feels like tears. Tears of sadness, loneliness, anguish... even pain. I think of Mom. I imagine, envision her smile. Hear her laughter, feel her touch, smell her, sense her... but I can't see her anymore. I miss her terribly.

The rain drenches my skin as I stand at her cemetery plot. Her headstone not in place, but soon. Flowers, cards, little gifts and a softball adorn her place. Sentiments of love, those who miss and those who love her. The rain clings to my body as I stare down. Disbelief, hoping she'll appear. She does not. The rain soaks me, but I do not care. As I walk away I feel numb all over again. I know it won't last, not forever. I cry, and that's okay. I know I'll be okay.

This afternoon I'll rest, for tonight I'll listen to the music of the Mariachi Divas and think of Mom. Laughing, Dancing, Free... at peace. For tonight I'll celebrate her going safely home to our Lord, and carry her with me always.

For now, I'll rest, sleep, and perhaps meet her in my dreams. I miss you Mom. I love you.

Creative Magic

Calling anyone with children to this post. I wonder if you can relate. I'll set the scene.

Earlier in the week your child informs you they need "this" "that" and "this" by end of week for a class project. You make that mental note - "I must get to the store before mid-week". As quickly as you make the mental note - ah... it escapes you. Fast forward to Thursday night. Mom, I guess my project will be late it's due tomorrow. What!? Wild alarms are going off in your brain, like the robot on Lost in Space (am I dating myself here)... "warning! warning! warning!".... No... we must not be late... we still got time... grab the car keys and dash out to the crafts store. Luckily they haven't closet yet. You get all the supplies you need... and then some (due to guilt of "forgetting")... back home.

Okay, what time is it? Oh shoot it's bedtime. That's okay, coffee get the coffee, you can do this. And this is where the MAGIC begins. Here you are with your child on the living room floor, supplies spread out all over the place... neon colored sculpting clay, little rolley polley eyeballs, balsa wood, toothpicks.. paint... oh what fun.

First - sculpt the skeleton out of wood for the structure. Second - mold clay around the wood skeleton and create your creature. Lastly the final touches of eyes, and toothpick teeth. There you have it a prehistoric never heard of creature had you crossed a saber tooth tiger, a deadly frog and a ocelot. Imagine this creature... in NEON colors might I add. The best part was we had "fun" doing it - despite the time (past our bedtime), and despite not getting to bed until... well almost this morning (LOL). Can you say coffee IV drip?

Extra molding clay... what to do? Store it... oh no, this Mom knew just what to make. "A round to it" (or a round TUIT)... which is just a round object that "reminds" you that you eventually have to get "A round to it"... really it's purpose is to remind you that you can't forget, or... well you remember the night before. Will I use this round tuit? No... but it was fun making it and the creative magic late last night was worth "forgetting!"

Happy creative days and nights to my family and friends.

Rest

Rest upon me your peace
Rest upon me your spirit
to guide me on the clear path
of glory, to honor you

Overwhelmed by emotions
Sometimes I feel blind
Through others you guide me
See clearly, all is well

Today I find peace, solice
Today I find joy within
Knowing you are always near

Rest........... peace

April 21, 2009

Mom & Dad -

I love you both
I'll see Dad soon, later today
Mom I know you're here always
in my heart
I yearn to see you, touch you,
Hear you, I miss you so

Thank you for my day

Monday, April 20th

May today be filled with wonder anew
May today be filled with sunshine and joy
May today we remember the Blessings bestowed upon us
May today we hear his voice and follow his word
For today is a new day, filled with promise
Filled with his never ending love.

Over the fields and "UP" the hills....

This past week I've discovered some wonderful "hidden treasures" - right here in our own backyard. I'm talking the hills and trails in the Black Diamond Mine area as well as the hills behind Contra Loma Regional Park. What magnificent beauty in the hills. Now mind you, one has to hike in to view natures beauty, however the breathtaking views are worth it. Not to mention the good your body gets out of it. A healthy way to soak in nature and appreciate the simplistic beauty of life. It's everywhere... it's just our world is so "crazy fast" we miss it.

I enjoy my work, and I must go back come Monday, however I will miss the early morning walks. Perhaps a twilight walk is in the making here. The hills call out to me it seems, just after 3 days of hiking. ... imagine that.

My legs are "talking to me", and those of you that know me, know what I mean. The good thing is I know I am getting healthy exercise. It's like waking an old friend who has been asleep for too long. That's what it is when the "legs talk to you". Sore, yes, but a good sore. Makes one feel alive.

I can see my sister and I planning many weekend hikes with the kids. What fun to venture outdoors, and I dare to say I even see a twilight venture in the future. The very near future. These legs will never to be the same, thanks to the beauty of nature that has finally awoke me.

Happy Trails to my family and friends.

Healing at Lourdes

Healing at Lourdes
Today is the feast day of St. Bernadette, a Catholic saint who lived in Lourdes, France in the 1800s. Over the course of several weeks, the girl saw 18 separate apparitions of the Virgin Mary in a little cave nearby - with large crowds curiously watching. On one occasion, the apparition told Bernadette to drink from a spring beneath her. As there was no visible spring, she began to dig until she came upon water. The spring was (and is to this day!) said to heal any infirmity - thousands flock to Lourdes each year to drink and bath in this "holy" water. In 1883, under order from the Pope, the Lourdes Medical Bureau was established to investigate the claims of healing. So far, roughly 68 cases have been identified in which someone with a terminal illness has been cured by the Lourdes water.
===========================================================
This is one of the books that my mother gave to me the day before she died. She wanted me to read and have the story of St. Bernadette, a Catholic saint who lived in Lourdes, France.

Today I saw this little bit written and had to post it. Thanks Mom for you continued faith and teaching by the way you lived your life. I love you, and I miss you.

Ice Cream

Justifying ice cream for dinner isn't hard - you know.
Place - Cold Stone Cremery
Item - Banana Carmel Crunch
Breaking it down - the justification part.
1 fresh banana - fruit (ah... that's good)
about 1/2 cup nuts - good fats (ah... that's good)
Ice Cream - Dairy (ah... that's good)
Caramel - well, okay not so good - but tasty!
So there you have it. Ice Cream for dinner broken down.
Smiles........

April 12, 2009

I seek understanding. For today I do not understand. That is okay though, a day at a time.
Miss you Mom. I love you. I wish you were here. Happy Easter.

Blessed Day

Believe and you will see
Surrender and heal
Open your heart - receive
Rejoice and be glad

A blessed day to all.

The Beauty of Early 'Morn

The beauty of early morning is amazing. Although it's almost 7:30am the best time is when it's still dark out and nature is starting to wake.... ahead of the human rat race (so to speak).

A family of birds sing joyfully outside my kitchen window, declaring a new and glorious day. I sit and listen to their bird chatter. It's beautiful. The sun begins to peak over the horizon warming the earth. You can almost feel the flowers in the garden stretch. Ready to peak out and explode in color. Any day now. The sun excites them into a furious growth, a growth that will be pleasing to our eyes and food for the bees and butterflies.

Spring. A time of new birth. A time of rejuvenation. A time to celebrate.

Soap is to the Body what Tears are for the Soul

Tears. Lots of 'em today. Oh how I miss Mom. I feel sad for Dad, for brother, for sisters.......I feel lost. I miss her so much... will the pain stop? I know she is home, safely in heaven, pain free, happy, with our Lord. How joyful, I sing praise for that. But the world seems empty without her. Going through the motions of life, automatically, almost not feeling, I try. I really try. My strength is in her, I am trying to be strong for my daughter. Can I be as strong as my Mom? I hope so, I try, it is hard. It hurts. I feel scared. I feel suddenly small in a huge big world. I think it's going to be a long long time before "another normal" sets in. Until then, I promise to try. For Mom, for Dad, and especially for my daughter. To this I pray today. To this I let my tears fall.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Well, at least it's not April Fool's day.

Waterfall tears

Water rush over rocks
Racing toward the cliff
Smoothing rocks edges
Leaping outward
Hurling downward
A freight train
Pounding bottoms soil
Churning....
Rushes over rocks
Winding, Slowing,
Speeding up
Leaping outward
Hurling downward
A freight train
Churning....
Slowly widening
River widens
Greets the sea
A washing machine
Fresh meets Salt
Mingles........
Meandering...
Out to Sea
Silence.......
Calm.......
......Peace

From the Land Down Under

Thank you for the beautiful poem from "down under".

All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,

Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,

for an interval, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well.

--Henry Scott Holland

1847-1918

Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Know God Intimately

Rejoice in the Lord always (delight, gladden, yourselves in Him); again I say, Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

My mother knew our Lord. She knew him intimately and had achieved His elegant grace within. One could see the glory of God within her being. My mother grew in the knowledge of God, she was so happy and recognized God's power at work in her life.

May we all be able to keep our mind on whatever is right and true and lovely and pure and of a good report (see Philippians 4:8).

Mom I can feel your grace upon us, guiding us leading us to truth. This brings me comfort in my sorrow, for my heart aches, my being feels empty without you. I will do all that I can to walk as you have walked in Faith.

I miss you Mom.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A blank computer screen.

Empty except for these words.

Like a black and white tv with nothing but fuzz.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm sitting, staring at the computer screen, seems like forever, what to write.
I hear you Mom, I know, and I'm sorry I didn't get my book together before
you died. It is there, waiting for me, to finish, to be. I will try Mom.

When I go to one of your favorite camps sites this June, a family favorite site,
I will place your Whispering Ripples in a bottle and send it out to sea.... Free.
It will be a joyful time to remember and honor you. So many fond memories with
You Dad and all the family there.

The Ocean calls to me Mom, like it did you, God's presence ever felt.

The Day After.....

Mixed emotions.
Sorrow, despair, pain, joy, happiness... all at once.
Overwhelming, hard to breathe, anxiety.

The Birdies are singing outside.
Busy building their yearly nest outside my kitchen window.
Spring. New Life. Gods beauty and glory is everywhere.

Mom saw beyond and into God's creations
Every living thing, every person.
Mom knew one's heart, sometimes better than
one knew themself. An Angel. A Gift from God
who graced all.

I woke up this morning with the horrific feeling
of knowing I'd never see, never touch, never feel
Mom again. Never hear her voice, her laugh, see
her smile, her tears, her being. I am overcome
with sorrow. My chest is crushing inward.

Mom, know that in my sorrow I rejoice for your
rising, no more pain, no more pills, no insulin needles,
no more doctors, no more dialysis, no more surgeries,
no more suffering. As promised, and as you lived
and walked through Faith, your life preparation, you have risen

I will do my best Mom to be ever present with God, to
walk as you walked in Faith. I love you, I miss you, until
we meet again in Heaven

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Isiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace with him whose mind is steadfast.

When God Sends an Angel

Rejoice! For He has Risen.

Rejoice! For He Died for our Sins.

Rejoice! For he has prepared a place
of Eternal Rest for the Faithfully
Departed.

Rejoice! For this Day "Mom"
is with the Lord.

Rejoice! For She is safely home.

1, 2, 3 ... count count count (are you sure?)

Oh Mom. Yesterday was so difficult, it seemed so very hard. I know that God is carrying us... I know that you are with us, even though you have left us in body. Dad and us kids gathered in your honor and we read liturgy and selected the readings for your funeral mass. Is this real? I was really strong Mom, I could feel you keeping us all together. Your songs you shared with me will be sung, it will be so beautiful. A mass woven together in your honor.

As we read the Liturgical Word yesterday I suddenly found myself feeling empty. Someone was missing. I immediately started to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...... 7... wait we're missing one. I burst out and lost it. The room, although full with your children and Dad suddenly seemed so very large and empty. I am sorry for losing it Mom, I am sorry for losing it in front of Dad, he is hurting badly, he is so lost. I am trying to be strong for Dad, for my child, you were always so strong Mom, even whenyou were hurting.... The Rock of the Family. Your Faith and Love shaped us all. Thank you.

I sat in your chair, I sat in the backyard and felt the sun on me. I listened to your birdies out back. I know they are wild birds but those birds came to you, even sitting on your hands/arms allowing you to touch them. There were also the few that would venture into the house to you... they knew your spirit and gentleness too. God is good, you know that, we know that. It felt as if you were there. I miss you Mom. We miss you. We love you.

No greater woman

Mom, I still can't believe you are gone. You blessed me this morning by the laughter my daughter brought to me. At times she is wise beyond her years. I felt you in her this morning. I miss you. I'm trying Mom, you were my compass, my map when I was lost. You never "gave directions" but always gently "guided" your children. I know that Dad will continue to guide me, you know that too, you were called home to God and we will see you when we are called home. I love you.


Joan Marie Gilbert Feb. 19, 1936~March 13, 2009
Resident of Antioch Beloved wife of Brian R. Gilbert; loving mother of Brian J. (Christina) Gilbert, Mary (Glenn) Jessup, Patricia Holub, Cecelia "Kiki" (Tony) Gonzalez, and Jeanne (Daryl) Bonner; cherished grandmother of Sonya (Jeremy) Smith, Debbie (Jacob) Gonzalez, Janine Holub, Cheryl Jessup, Brittany and Sarah Gilbert; treasured great-grandmother of Ryan Hunt and Veronica Smith; devoted daughter of Raymond and Mary Heredia; caring sister of Mary Ellen Heredia, Laura Britto, and Christine Wheat; and aunt to many nieces and nephews. Joan was preceded in death by her beloved mother, Carmen Galarza and brothers, Ray and Tony Heredia. Joan was a native of Antioch and graduated from Antioch High School.

The most important things to Joan were her Family and her Faith. She was a strong supporter of the many activities of her children and grandchildren as well as her parish. Joan enjoyed gardening, sports, camping, her pets, arts and crafts, reading, music and the beauty of nature. She worked for Wells Fargo Bank and the CCC District Attorney's Office.

Family and friends are invited to attend the Visitation from 4-7:30pm, followed by the Vigil on Thursday, March 19 at Higgins Chapel, 1310 A St., Antioch; and Funeral Liturgy at 10:30 a.m. on Friday, March 20 at St. Ignatius Church, 3351 Contra Loma Blvd., Antioch. Committal will follow at Holy Cross Catholic Cemetery, Antioch.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Up until now, I believed that childbirth was the most painful experience. I was wrong. In fact I was so wrong, I wasn't even close. Childbirth pain - a piece of cake. The pain of losing one's Mom is far more excruciating than anything I've ever experienced. Being turned inside out. Having one's insides liquefied. That is what this feels like.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I came across this "draft" post - which I didn't post. Shall I? I think I will. Since Mom died March 13, and since we buried Mom March 20, I've felt out of body. Here, but "spaced out" in a way. Good? Bad? Indifferent? I don't know. We all grieve differently. I am allowing myself to grieve, allowing myself to "be kind" to myself, and also allowing myself to "celebrate" the goodness of Mom. The "Joy" of Mom, and the "unconditional love" of Mom. That has been working and getting me through the day. To be strong, for my child, for myself.

On March 16th, I started a blog. The pain is real, it comes and it goes, and that's okay. Mom's overwhelming beautiful, kind and loving traits ease that pain.

Miss you Mom

Linger in God's Presence

From Starting Your Day Right - page 75


Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and
patiently lean yourself upon Him.

PSALM 37:7

Why?

My mother passed away today
I am sad

My mother passed away today
I rejoiced, home with our Lord

My mother passed away today
I don't know why

I feel numb, I feel empty, I feel lost

I write this blog and I pray to God
to place his heavenly grace upon
our family. I thank him for the time
with my Mom and know she is with him.

My mom has crossed over to a new life
A life free of pain, today she dances with
our Lord.... she is safely home

Thank you Mom for always knowing
what to say and when to say it.

Mom, I don't know what I will do
without you.

I love you Mom

JEA"M"

I thought of you today my friend
My heart was filled with warm
memories of you

I miss you, I wish I could talk to you
I cried... darn it... yeah my eye makeup
is gone now.

I know you're in a better place
Can you hear my silent words to you?

I remember our conversations of
spinach and popeye - I will never forget
You were a good friend, oh I miss you

My daughter remembers how you
treated her well, and how you use
to let her pickup your collectibles. I
sometimes think you did that cuz you
got a kick out of watching me squirm (wink!)

I miss you Jea"m" (a name fondly
given to you by my daughter).

I think of you, I thank you, I say hello.

Okay,okay, yeah yeah, I can hear you
now... "what's all the fuss, stop crying, get
yourself together and go to work".

I love you my friend.

Night

The night sounds vary day to day
Most nights I sleep, others I stay awake

The sound of traffic can be a constant thrum
A cars drive by, I hear it first, the boom-box
thumping and screaming "I am here"

Sirens wail, I almost ignore, for they almost
seem constant, if you don't sleep or ignore.

First they are distant, then they come close, zooming
past, a high speed, how many makes that.

Soon the 'copter is high up above, swirling around
no sleep real soon. I listen intently, yeah it's a chase
sounds like they're zipping all over the place

I say a prayer that all will end safe, I close my eyes
and try to find a heavenly place. Fading to sleep
it's the last thing I hear, sirens and 'copter blades
coming back near.

I pray again, for sleep and for rest, but mostly for
safety for my family's little nest.

Yawn...... finally I sleep

Starting your Day Right

Seek him and his wisdom early in your morn. Listen, hear, feel, be open. Through him all things are possible. Start your day with God and always keep him close in your heart and thoughts. Listen, he will guide you. Question not if not understanding rather trust and learn his obedience.

Blessings to all my family and friends this Monday morn.

Barney (aka Patty)

An Angel In My Midst

Written in honor of "Shelly" a true "shining light"


An Angel crossed my path today
I'm oh so happy to say

Busy working, gotta run, lots of deadlines,
time marches on. In a glimpse, in my
hurried state, there she sat
amidst my haste

A smile sincere, bright as could be,
she shines with love, HIS grace from above.

I stopped and said a friendly hello,
Her eyes were magical, graceful, aglow
I knew right then I had to stay, work could
wait, later that day.

We sat and spoke of life and things
Her body language was a Blessing,
almost a dream. Her radiance shone
her eyes they spoke, HIS love lives in
her, through her, this writer has
no doubt.

Through her words and her eyes she
radiated HIS love, I fought back my tears
although I should have had no fear.

Her courage, her strength, her love
in HIS grace, all goodness shone through
her, what a glorious place.

A gentle reminder of goodness and
GOD, all things are possible, through
his teachings and love.

An Angel walks amongst us,
HE chooses them I believe, We
only need to open our hearts and
our eyes, and these Angels we'll see.

Thank you Angel, for coming to me.

Barney (aka Patty)
3/5/2009

What?

Scotch tape
Screw Driver
Fork
Eyelash curler
Nail polish strengthener
Makeup brushes
DVD
Eye glasses
Face Moisturizer
Poinsetta Pin
Recycling Center
Paper
Car Paint
School forms

Now isn't this an off-the-wall blog? Maybe to some it isn't. Meaningless to the reader perhaps, motivating to the writer. Until I blog again.

A wonderful and wacky Wednesday to you all.

Barney (aka Patty)

Coffee Coffee Coffee

Okay, for those of you reading this post early in the a.m. I'm really speaking "coffee"... not "Jeff Coffee" (wink-wink)... "Jeff's coffee" is later (smiles).

Oh........ what a glorious morning. The sound of the coffee machine turning on, coffee beans grinding, and the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. Waiting....... waiting for me. Here.. in my kitchen! Yippee!!

Now, mind you, if I wanted coffee before I'd have to make a trip out. No coffee pot in this house. That is UNTIL the Mayor, yes the Mayor of Starbucks fixed me up with a Cuisinart. Grinds the beans, makes the coffee. Wow! Don't laugh, this is all great and wonderful to me. It's been months since this household has had a coffee pot. I must let the Mayor know how nicely it worked. Even my child "tried a cup" this morning (first one, first time). The Mayor would be proud.... "Hi Pap!"

To a nicely fresh cup of coffee!

Hugs and Coffee Beans to you!
Barney (aka Patty)

Today's Quote

"Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved." - D.H. Lawrence

What time is it?

Have you ever done this before? I set my alarm clock last night. 5:30 am wake up. HOWEVER, in the process of setting the alarm I "accidentally" hit the TIME and advance the clock 1 hour. Thus when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning it was really 4:30 this morning. I didn't figure that out until after I had woke my child up at 6:15 - wait that would have been 5:15, sat to have breakfast looked up at the clock in the kitchen and scratched my head.

What time is it?! Oh the looks I got this morning when I realized what I had done and that I had "deprived" one of an hours additional sleep.. Ooooooooooooooo... not good. So what to do... blog! There ya have it blog! It's a no wonder I'm yawning so much. I haven't had to wake that early since my 90-mile a day work trek. Yikes... I shudder.

Well, this blogger for now is going to sign off. Sit on the comfy couch, rest my head and hopefully catch a few more zzz's.

Cabin Fever

What soothes your soul? A quite walk amongst the fall trees? A morning run before the world wakes? Or perhaps something more relaxing... yoga, or meditation. I can almost say for certain that what soothes my soul certainly isn't the thing that soothes another. It's a personal thing, for certainly one size does not fit all here.

For 4 days I've been home caring for a loved one gone ill. During this time I've come to realize just how "busy" my life really is Monday - Friday. Alarm off at "X time". Shower at this time. Lunches made at this time. Breakfast. Is everything packed and ready. Out the door. Busy work all day. Errands ran during lunch... many times lunch is at the desk working... okay so errands after work. Sports after school, homework, how was your day, how was my day, dinner, a TV broadcast, bed. Next day.... do it all over again. Hmmmmm... when you look at it this way it seems hurried. Where in all of this do we feed, do we nurture our soul?

I think that this down time being home has been the opportunity to look at the day-to-day operations (as you may call 'em), and think about how we can "shift them" to be a bit more "relaxing....... soothing to the soul". I mean come on, we ARE worth it. What's wrong with giving ones self time for comfort, for pleasure, for time to unwind... to say ahhhhhh.

Something I'm definitely thinking about. Something I'll definitely try to incorporate into the day. It will take time, things don't change over night. HOWEVER... awareness is the first step.

So, rather than fight this cabin fever I was feeling the past 4 days, I can really say thank you. Thank you for the time to reflect, to focus on life, and to focus on bringing more comfort and soothing things into the day.

Sunday 2/22/2009 - Random thoughts

A rainy time indeed. The daffodils came out, battered by the rain they now lie on the walk, flowers face down -- almost as if they are bowing in prayer. Perhaps knowing how much we need this rain - a thankful expression of nature.

High temperatures and respiratory issues in our home. The bugs of '09 have all seemed to stop by this house. Last year we were blessed to miss most flu bugs or "crud" as I call it, however this year... a different story. So we rest, see the doctor, take the medicine, rest, and try to feel better. I wish being "Mom" I had the magic wand to whoosh it all away. Hugs and kisses and warm cups of tea work well too. Difficult to see the ones you love fall ill, feel so bad.

A restful night I wish for. May the pitter patter of the rain be a rythmic tone to drift us off to sleep. A sleep without aches, pains, or coughs... and fevers gone away. A restful night I pray.

Valentine Pass On By........

This post inspired by "K" in Tennessee - Thanks dear friend

Valentine oh Valentine
Please pass me by

For there have been other days
You're right by my side

Why such the fuss on this
one special day, who decided this
day? Why do we fall prey?

Play into the chocolates,
The flowers, the jewels...
The bigger the better, my love
I must prove

It must be just right, or my
love won't be told, I could be
left all alone out in the cold

From the florists to the jewelers
Oh you card makers beware...

Valentine's day is not on the 14th
it's everyday to share!

Barney Beagle 2/13/2009

Pizza, pizza, did someone say pizza?

Okay, for those of you that know me you know that I can do with or without pizza. If I didn't have pizza again, it would be okay. Did I say that? Yes, I did. Well... for someone not too keen on pizza I decided to order pizza and hot wings for dinner - delivery please. Of course the hot wings would be for me.

45 minutes later the delivery arrives. Oh how I'm loving those wings before I even take the first bite. Well, we got the pizza, but not the wings - forgot. So apologies and a promise to bring back more wings - double the order - no charge, their error (hey..... way cool).

So what about the pizza. Well we get the pizza (pepperoni ordered) to the kitchen table, open it up and "whoops!"... not pepperoni. Oh boy....... the household is sad, no pepperoni pizza, and let's not forget the missing wings. So, a telephone call is made. I explain that we just got the delivery, and before I can finish they assure me they are aware of the missing wings and will deliver 24 instead of 12. Then I add, well the pizza that was delivered, well it's not pepperoni. Oh noo............ more apologies and the promise of a pizza with the wings - they are coming.

About 35 minutes later missing wings arrive and a "HUGE".... I mean "HUGE" pepperoni pizza is delivered (mind you I'm not eating any of this pizza).... and mind you I only had ordered a medium. So, now, we have a medium not pepperoni pizza and a "huge mongo" sized pepperoni pizza.

Oh the cries of happiness to the pizza lovers in the house. Pizza for days, pizza for dinner, pizza for breakfast, lunch and of course a snack. Me... I just smile, I mean come on, I have 24 wings!

When I think about it - it all turned out nice. Dinner resolved for tonite, and for that matter tomorrow nite. Yes! Yes! Yes! Pizza, did someone say let's order pizza? I just smile... and say "yes I did". And what a delivery it has turned out to be.

Fun to be around

I recently attended a memorial service and someone stated something while paying respects to our faithfully departed.... "He was always fun to be around". He went on further to say that this person was great a conversation and never spoke of himself, but always of life and others. ... "he was always fun to be around".

This statement made me stop to think about myself, about others I am with, and question whether I'm a person whom speaks of life, of others, or am I always going on about "myself". Something to think about. It gets old hearing one speak on and on and on about themselves. I'd imagine it would get old after while. I mean it goes hand in hand with the saying "the world does not revolve around ones head".

Just something that I'm thinking of "....always fun to be around". Perhaps a challenge to my fellow bloggers and/or those who pop in on my blog from now and then. Think about your conversation - is it always focused on you, others, the world, happiness, dreaded things, sad things, ....... and how would you feel if this is what you were hearing from the mouths of others. Hmmmmmmmmm... so this is the short blog I put out there today.

Wednesday

W - Whew... middle of the week
E - Exceptionally quick, we're here
D - Day, blessed with another
N- Nearing the top of the hump
E - Excited to slide into Thursday
S - Soon it will be Friday
D - Did you say the weekend?
A - Ah........ at last
Y - Yes!!

Went for Milk

Set the scene. A Sunday afternoon. Pouring rain - the kind that soaks you to the skin. However, this is the perfect time for a quick trip to the grocery store. A quick trip because previously one forgot the "Milk". Why is it raining so hard?

To the store. Luck will be with us, a close spot. Despite being close, we get pretty wet. That's okay, it's a quick trip... just Milk. Well, just in case grab a cart. Milk, bananas, cereal... what else. Pushing the cart waaaaay to fast - afterall, this is supposed to be a quick in and out trip. I just don't have time to be here, have to shop and get home (why I have no clue... funny how that is sometimes).

Before me appears a friend from the past. A friend I run in to time and time again. He is soaked. In his work clothes, been working all day. We exchange pleasantries. He asks about my Mom. Worried about my Mom. Sees her in church. Says where have you been? Haven't seen you. A twinge of guilt starts to develop inside of me.

We talk about my Mom's last bout with surgeries, how she's really a miracle and strength of God. Then it's as if nothing around me existed. My friend goes on to tell me how he has fallen in love all over again with his wife. How she's always marched to a different drummer, did things her way - a bit crazy. The ruts, the routine, stagnation of life... and then the motorcycle accident. Sincerity written all over his face his eyes are welled up with tears as he shares the miracle of God waking him up through this accident... her accident. The reconnection of Love, and what Love and God are all about. I'm not sure how long we spoke, I was fixed on the pureness of his words, his tears. It was as if this "quick trip" was lined up. A meeting of two people who may see each other 1 time every year and half. Perhaps something I needed to hear? To see? To Listen to? I don't know. It was as if I were seeing God through an other's eyes.

Amazing what an impromptu trip to the grocery store can bring about. I went for Milk, and God found me. God too will find you, in places you least expect, and when you least expect it. One just has to be open to receive.

Shutters

What is a shutter? Something on a camera? Something you put on the outside of your windows to keep the storm from destroying your home. Something you do when you don't like something... shutter... hmmmmm NOPE that would be shudder (smiles). Seriously though... what is the purpose of a shutter.

In a camera it opens and closes and allows a certain amount of light in so the photographer captures that oh so perfect picture. Captures the essense of the eye - what the photographer is viewing. A shutter (sometimes called storm shutters) are used to keep the storm out. Protection. A safe haven.

As I venture through this life I have seen a different kind of shutter, it's not in the dictionary, it's not even something you can diagram out or put your hands on,however it exists. It's the shutter to the heart. A powerful and sometimes self-destroying mechanism. A shutter to the heart. Like a window to the heart but with a great big bolt on it. Working much like the photographers shutter - only letting in what the heart wants to see or feel, or what the heart has viewed as "okay".

What does that do to mankind though? How does that help. How is that helpful if the heart-shutter only lets in what that particular heart views as "okay" or "safe".

(Running late - this blogger will post later this evening to finish)

What's for Dinner?

Dinner Rolls. Just plain 'ole dinner rolls. Heat 'em up. Slap on butter or honey or jelly.... or just plain. That's what's cooking/baking in this house for dinner. Tomorrow though......... payday...... real food! Yes! Not to diss dinner rolls, I mean they are good and all, but by themselves. Well.... they are okay if you can be creative. Praise the Lord I've got some creativity to make something plain seem like a treat... like we're cheating the dinner code or something.

What's for dinner. Ah..... dinner rolls. Let's slather them in butter and stuff 'em with our favorite jelly. It will be like dessert and treats for dinner... yeah. It's how you look at it. And... if you feel creative make it a picnic in the living room, minus the ants of course (smiles).

All kidding aside it's always kinda fun to mix it up. Keeps one young at heart. Let's hear it for the rolls! Yes!