From the Land Down Under

Thank you for the beautiful poem from "down under".

All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,

Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,

for an interval, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well.

--Henry Scott Holland

1847-1918

Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Know God Intimately

Rejoice in the Lord always (delight, gladden, yourselves in Him); again I say, Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

My mother knew our Lord. She knew him intimately and had achieved His elegant grace within. One could see the glory of God within her being. My mother grew in the knowledge of God, she was so happy and recognized God's power at work in her life.

May we all be able to keep our mind on whatever is right and true and lovely and pure and of a good report (see Philippians 4:8).

Mom I can feel your grace upon us, guiding us leading us to truth. This brings me comfort in my sorrow, for my heart aches, my being feels empty without you. I will do all that I can to walk as you have walked in Faith.

I miss you Mom.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A blank computer screen.

Empty except for these words.

Like a black and white tv with nothing but fuzz.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm sitting, staring at the computer screen, seems like forever, what to write.
I hear you Mom, I know, and I'm sorry I didn't get my book together before
you died. It is there, waiting for me, to finish, to be. I will try Mom.

When I go to one of your favorite camps sites this June, a family favorite site,
I will place your Whispering Ripples in a bottle and send it out to sea.... Free.
It will be a joyful time to remember and honor you. So many fond memories with
You Dad and all the family there.

The Ocean calls to me Mom, like it did you, God's presence ever felt.

The Day After.....

Mixed emotions.
Sorrow, despair, pain, joy, happiness... all at once.
Overwhelming, hard to breathe, anxiety.

The Birdies are singing outside.
Busy building their yearly nest outside my kitchen window.
Spring. New Life. Gods beauty and glory is everywhere.

Mom saw beyond and into God's creations
Every living thing, every person.
Mom knew one's heart, sometimes better than
one knew themself. An Angel. A Gift from God
who graced all.

I woke up this morning with the horrific feeling
of knowing I'd never see, never touch, never feel
Mom again. Never hear her voice, her laugh, see
her smile, her tears, her being. I am overcome
with sorrow. My chest is crushing inward.

Mom, know that in my sorrow I rejoice for your
rising, no more pain, no more pills, no insulin needles,
no more doctors, no more dialysis, no more surgeries,
no more suffering. As promised, and as you lived
and walked through Faith, your life preparation, you have risen

I will do my best Mom to be ever present with God, to
walk as you walked in Faith. I love you, I miss you, until
we meet again in Heaven

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Isiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace with him whose mind is steadfast.

When God Sends an Angel

Rejoice! For He has Risen.

Rejoice! For He Died for our Sins.

Rejoice! For he has prepared a place
of Eternal Rest for the Faithfully
Departed.

Rejoice! For this Day "Mom"
is with the Lord.

Rejoice! For She is safely home.

1, 2, 3 ... count count count (are you sure?)

Oh Mom. Yesterday was so difficult, it seemed so very hard. I know that God is carrying us... I know that you are with us, even though you have left us in body. Dad and us kids gathered in your honor and we read liturgy and selected the readings for your funeral mass. Is this real? I was really strong Mom, I could feel you keeping us all together. Your songs you shared with me will be sung, it will be so beautiful. A mass woven together in your honor.

As we read the Liturgical Word yesterday I suddenly found myself feeling empty. Someone was missing. I immediately started to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...... 7... wait we're missing one. I burst out and lost it. The room, although full with your children and Dad suddenly seemed so very large and empty. I am sorry for losing it Mom, I am sorry for losing it in front of Dad, he is hurting badly, he is so lost. I am trying to be strong for Dad, for my child, you were always so strong Mom, even whenyou were hurting.... The Rock of the Family. Your Faith and Love shaped us all. Thank you.

I sat in your chair, I sat in the backyard and felt the sun on me. I listened to your birdies out back. I know they are wild birds but those birds came to you, even sitting on your hands/arms allowing you to touch them. There were also the few that would venture into the house to you... they knew your spirit and gentleness too. God is good, you know that, we know that. It felt as if you were there. I miss you Mom. We miss you. We love you.

No greater woman

Mom, I still can't believe you are gone. You blessed me this morning by the laughter my daughter brought to me. At times she is wise beyond her years. I felt you in her this morning. I miss you. I'm trying Mom, you were my compass, my map when I was lost. You never "gave directions" but always gently "guided" your children. I know that Dad will continue to guide me, you know that too, you were called home to God and we will see you when we are called home. I love you.


Joan Marie Gilbert Feb. 19, 1936~March 13, 2009
Resident of Antioch Beloved wife of Brian R. Gilbert; loving mother of Brian J. (Christina) Gilbert, Mary (Glenn) Jessup, Patricia Holub, Cecelia "Kiki" (Tony) Gonzalez, and Jeanne (Daryl) Bonner; cherished grandmother of Sonya (Jeremy) Smith, Debbie (Jacob) Gonzalez, Janine Holub, Cheryl Jessup, Brittany and Sarah Gilbert; treasured great-grandmother of Ryan Hunt and Veronica Smith; devoted daughter of Raymond and Mary Heredia; caring sister of Mary Ellen Heredia, Laura Britto, and Christine Wheat; and aunt to many nieces and nephews. Joan was preceded in death by her beloved mother, Carmen Galarza and brothers, Ray and Tony Heredia. Joan was a native of Antioch and graduated from Antioch High School.

The most important things to Joan were her Family and her Faith. She was a strong supporter of the many activities of her children and grandchildren as well as her parish. Joan enjoyed gardening, sports, camping, her pets, arts and crafts, reading, music and the beauty of nature. She worked for Wells Fargo Bank and the CCC District Attorney's Office.

Family and friends are invited to attend the Visitation from 4-7:30pm, followed by the Vigil on Thursday, March 19 at Higgins Chapel, 1310 A St., Antioch; and Funeral Liturgy at 10:30 a.m. on Friday, March 20 at St. Ignatius Church, 3351 Contra Loma Blvd., Antioch. Committal will follow at Holy Cross Catholic Cemetery, Antioch.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Up until now, I believed that childbirth was the most painful experience. I was wrong. In fact I was so wrong, I wasn't even close. Childbirth pain - a piece of cake. The pain of losing one's Mom is far more excruciating than anything I've ever experienced. Being turned inside out. Having one's insides liquefied. That is what this feels like.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I came across this "draft" post - which I didn't post. Shall I? I think I will. Since Mom died March 13, and since we buried Mom March 20, I've felt out of body. Here, but "spaced out" in a way. Good? Bad? Indifferent? I don't know. We all grieve differently. I am allowing myself to grieve, allowing myself to "be kind" to myself, and also allowing myself to "celebrate" the goodness of Mom. The "Joy" of Mom, and the "unconditional love" of Mom. That has been working and getting me through the day. To be strong, for my child, for myself.

On March 16th, I started a blog. The pain is real, it comes and it goes, and that's okay. Mom's overwhelming beautiful, kind and loving traits ease that pain.

Miss you Mom

Linger in God's Presence

From Starting Your Day Right - page 75


Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and
patiently lean yourself upon Him.

PSALM 37:7

Why?

My mother passed away today
I am sad

My mother passed away today
I rejoiced, home with our Lord

My mother passed away today
I don't know why

I feel numb, I feel empty, I feel lost

I write this blog and I pray to God
to place his heavenly grace upon
our family. I thank him for the time
with my Mom and know she is with him.

My mom has crossed over to a new life
A life free of pain, today she dances with
our Lord.... she is safely home

Thank you Mom for always knowing
what to say and when to say it.

Mom, I don't know what I will do
without you.

I love you Mom

JEA"M"

I thought of you today my friend
My heart was filled with warm
memories of you

I miss you, I wish I could talk to you
I cried... darn it... yeah my eye makeup
is gone now.

I know you're in a better place
Can you hear my silent words to you?

I remember our conversations of
spinach and popeye - I will never forget
You were a good friend, oh I miss you

My daughter remembers how you
treated her well, and how you use
to let her pickup your collectibles. I
sometimes think you did that cuz you
got a kick out of watching me squirm (wink!)

I miss you Jea"m" (a name fondly
given to you by my daughter).

I think of you, I thank you, I say hello.

Okay,okay, yeah yeah, I can hear you
now... "what's all the fuss, stop crying, get
yourself together and go to work".

I love you my friend.

Night

The night sounds vary day to day
Most nights I sleep, others I stay awake

The sound of traffic can be a constant thrum
A cars drive by, I hear it first, the boom-box
thumping and screaming "I am here"

Sirens wail, I almost ignore, for they almost
seem constant, if you don't sleep or ignore.

First they are distant, then they come close, zooming
past, a high speed, how many makes that.

Soon the 'copter is high up above, swirling around
no sleep real soon. I listen intently, yeah it's a chase
sounds like they're zipping all over the place

I say a prayer that all will end safe, I close my eyes
and try to find a heavenly place. Fading to sleep
it's the last thing I hear, sirens and 'copter blades
coming back near.

I pray again, for sleep and for rest, but mostly for
safety for my family's little nest.

Yawn...... finally I sleep

Starting your Day Right

Seek him and his wisdom early in your morn. Listen, hear, feel, be open. Through him all things are possible. Start your day with God and always keep him close in your heart and thoughts. Listen, he will guide you. Question not if not understanding rather trust and learn his obedience.

Blessings to all my family and friends this Monday morn.

Barney (aka Patty)

An Angel In My Midst

Written in honor of "Shelly" a true "shining light"


An Angel crossed my path today
I'm oh so happy to say

Busy working, gotta run, lots of deadlines,
time marches on. In a glimpse, in my
hurried state, there she sat
amidst my haste

A smile sincere, bright as could be,
she shines with love, HIS grace from above.

I stopped and said a friendly hello,
Her eyes were magical, graceful, aglow
I knew right then I had to stay, work could
wait, later that day.

We sat and spoke of life and things
Her body language was a Blessing,
almost a dream. Her radiance shone
her eyes they spoke, HIS love lives in
her, through her, this writer has
no doubt.

Through her words and her eyes she
radiated HIS love, I fought back my tears
although I should have had no fear.

Her courage, her strength, her love
in HIS grace, all goodness shone through
her, what a glorious place.

A gentle reminder of goodness and
GOD, all things are possible, through
his teachings and love.

An Angel walks amongst us,
HE chooses them I believe, We
only need to open our hearts and
our eyes, and these Angels we'll see.

Thank you Angel, for coming to me.

Barney (aka Patty)
3/5/2009

What?

Scotch tape
Screw Driver
Fork
Eyelash curler
Nail polish strengthener
Makeup brushes
DVD
Eye glasses
Face Moisturizer
Poinsetta Pin
Recycling Center
Paper
Car Paint
School forms

Now isn't this an off-the-wall blog? Maybe to some it isn't. Meaningless to the reader perhaps, motivating to the writer. Until I blog again.

A wonderful and wacky Wednesday to you all.

Barney (aka Patty)

Coffee Coffee Coffee

Okay, for those of you reading this post early in the a.m. I'm really speaking "coffee"... not "Jeff Coffee" (wink-wink)... "Jeff's coffee" is later (smiles).

Oh........ what a glorious morning. The sound of the coffee machine turning on, coffee beans grinding, and the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. Waiting....... waiting for me. Here.. in my kitchen! Yippee!!

Now, mind you, if I wanted coffee before I'd have to make a trip out. No coffee pot in this house. That is UNTIL the Mayor, yes the Mayor of Starbucks fixed me up with a Cuisinart. Grinds the beans, makes the coffee. Wow! Don't laugh, this is all great and wonderful to me. It's been months since this household has had a coffee pot. I must let the Mayor know how nicely it worked. Even my child "tried a cup" this morning (first one, first time). The Mayor would be proud.... "Hi Pap!"

To a nicely fresh cup of coffee!

Hugs and Coffee Beans to you!
Barney (aka Patty)